Diapers and Divorce.

     I wake up, bring Craig downstairs, change his diaper, and feed him breakfast. While he is eating, I quickly go back upstairs to get Remington, change his diaper, and put him in his swing. By the time Craig is finished with his breakfast, Remington is hungry. So I juggle breastfeeding Remington while Craig is trying his best to get my attention. I put on the tv and it distracts him for about 3 minutes.
When one kid has a dirty diaper, I change it. Then the other kid will have one. Today Craig decided to rip off his diaper in his crib... While there was poop in it. Poop was EVERY where. So I had more work to do today.
     Raising these kids by myself is the hardest thing I've ever done. Between the two of their needs, I hardly have time to sleep, eat, shower, or even pee. I have mixed emotions about everything. I get sad when I think about these boys growing up without their father. Then I get angry about it. After that, I decide I'd rather them grow up without him, than with him and see the drugs.
     For quite awhile now, I've debated whether or not to stay with him. Things have been running through my head and it's causing my sleep to become non existent.  The more I think about it, the sicker I feel.  I've come to the conclusion that a divorce is the best way to go. He'll be madder than Hell but I can't continue to be expected to live for him when he disregarded Craig's and my safety when we were with him. I'm the one changing the diapers, feeding them, being broke, trying to find babysitters last minute, trying to find a job, and doing everything else I need to do. I haven't gone out with friends, I haven't even really made friends, and my emotions are suffering because of it. I feel as if I'm stuck in a rut and will continue to be as long as I'm married to him.  I have a huge weight on my shoulders and it's time to throw it off. Wish me luck! :)